Jedi's Go Grocery Shopping
by Darth Yoda
Summary: Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, and Yoda go shopping at Kroger


Jedi's Go Grocery Shopping  
  
Obi-Wan,Qui-Gon,and Yoda enter the Kroger for the first time.  
  
"We must find the cookies,"Obi-Wan says, hungrily.  
  
"Be patient my young Padawan.You shall have your food soon."Qui-Gon tells him.  
  
"Hurry we must Qui-Gon. Mrs.Yoda happy with me she will not be if I am gone long!"  
  
They searched aisle after aisle finding items they could eat.  
  
"THE COOKIES!"Obi-Wan shouts, running down the aisle."So many different kinds!M&M, Sugar, Sprinkles, Chocolate Chip, Double Fudge, Brownie! I want them all!" He picks different boxes up and opens them, eating their contents.  
  
"Obi-Wan! Stop that!I will buy you some cookies just be patient!" Qui-Gon tells him.  
  
"Hurry we must! Home I must be in half an hour!" Yoda says, panicking."20 minutes it will take to get home, it will!"  
  
"We only have a few more things to get Master. Please be patient."Qui-Gon says, trying to calm him.  
  
"Baking soda is the last thing we need Master,"Obi-Wan says."Aisle 4 it says in the book I got, 'Krogering for Dummies'"  
  
"To aisle 4 we go then! Quickly now!"Yoda says hitting Qui-Gon in the butt with his cane.  
  
"Ow, master! Please stop! It inflicts pain to my butt!"Qui-Gon protests.  
  
"Hurry you will then!"  
  
They move quickly to aisle 4 and pick up the baking soda.  
  
"There, we can go now Master Yoda. Are you happy?"Qui-Gon says  
  
"Wait master, we must pay at a cash register. I think they are in the front of the store."  
  
Yoda grumbles as Qui-Gon hurries to the cash register.  
  
"Thank you for shopping Kroger, how can i help you?" The annoyed cashier says to the Jedis.  
  
"We wish to take these items home, but in our book it says we must pay. We wish to do so now." Qui-Gon answers.  
  
The cashier rings all of their things up.  
  
"Your total comes to $256.81." The cashier says, still annoyed.  
  
"$256.81!"Qui-gon exclaims."We don't have that much human money. Obi-Wan, we must put the cookies back.I'm sorry it has come to this but we have no other choice.Yoda's wife hits harder than him and my butt is sore enough!"  
  
"PUT THEM BACK?!?!?" Obi-Wan exclaims outraged."Are you kidding man? How will we live?!Life could not go on without cookies! I would die!" Obi-Wan falls to the ground pretending to be dead.  
  
"But how can we pay for it?"Qui-gon asks.  
  
"Are you kidding! Are you a jedi or not?!"  
  
Qui-gon turns to the cashier.  
  
"We don't have $256.81 but $15.00 will do fine."  
  
"No i'm afraid i need $256.81 for all of it. For $15.00 you can get the baking soda, panty hose, 1 box of cookies and the lipstick."  
  
"Jedi mind tricks don't work on him Master Yoda. What will we do?" Qui-Gon says turning to Yoda.  
  
"Goes back it does. Wife like this not!"  
  
Going from aisle to aisle and in Obi-Wan's case eating box of cookies after box of cookies, putting the things back the soon heard a loud voice say,  
  
"Attention Kroger shoppers, The store is now closing, please exit the building. We will lock the doors in 5 minutes."  
  
"Hurry Qui-Gon!" Yoda says smacking him in the butt with his cane as he is putting up the panty hose and lipstick.  
  
"Master Yoda, does Mrs.Yoda REALLY use lipstick and pantyhose?"Obi-Wan asks curiously.  
  
"Yes..umm..yes she uses them.."Yoda answers looking around nervously.  
  
Suddenly all the lights go out.  
  
"AHHHHH!" Obi-Wan shouts "They're coming to take my cookies!! Back off! Stay away, all of you!"  
  
"Hush my padawan. They have only locked up. Looks like we'll be stranded here for the night." Qui-Gon says reasuringly.  
  
"Wife like this will not"Yoda said.  
  
"We need to find the control system and get the lights on," Qui-Gon said. "But it will not be easy."  
  
After strolling for a long time the finally found the control system.  
  
"This would be a job for..mmm..R2D2. "Obi-Wan said, stuffing more cookies in his face.  
  
"The force will do it also." Qui-gon told him.  
  
In moments the lights were on.  
  
"Now, lets find some previously arranged lunch or dinner meals."  
  
"Master....mmm...In the book it says there are some things called...mmm...Luchables we could eat. The have many different meals types." Obi-Wan said, eating and reading his book.  
  
"Then lunchables we find now,"Yoda said.  
  
They walked not to far and found them.  
  
"Master! I want the tacos!"Obi-Wan exclaimed. Poking a hole in the top of his lunchables box.  
  
"I will take the pizza kind i believe."Qui-Gon said.  
  
"And nachos will take I," Yoda said.  
  
"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"  
  
Qui-Gon and Yoda look over to see Obi-Wan throwing meat, cheese and taco shells in the air.  
  
"Obi-Wan! Stop that!" Qui-Gon shouts."How do we eat these things?"  
  
"Use the forks."Yoda says.  
  
"The force?"Qui-Gon replies confused.  
  
"No! The forks! They're over there!" he points to them.  
  
After they finish eating they take a walk down the aisles and find the magazines.  
  
Yoda picks up a porn magazine. Qui-Gon watches, disgusted.  
  
"Master Yoda! You do know that that is a pornography magazine. It contains nude women." Qui-Gon tells him.  
  
"Life get you Qui-Gon!"Yoda says.  
  
Qui-Gon picks up a 'Jedi Today' magazine and begins to read it when he hears something. He looks up and notices Obi-Wan is missing.He follows the laughter to garden section.There he finds Obi-Wan throwing soil on himself.  
  
"Obi-Wan come here now! You have much soil in your hair and we must shampoo your hair now!"  
  
They walk to the shampoo and Qui-Gon pours the whole bottle on Obi-Wans head.  
  
"Master, please remember to.." Obi-Wan begins but Qui-Gon cuts him off.  
  
"Not a word from you! I was reading a good article in 'Jedi Today' before I had to find you!"  
  
"Yes Master"  
  
After the shampooing, the return to Yoda finding him squealing with pleasure.  
  
"Oooooh baby! Come to daddy!"  
  
"Yoda!" Qui-Gon exclaims.  
  
"Happen to you hair what Obi-Wan?"  
  
Qui-Gon turns and looks at Obi-Wan's hair and screams.  
  
"Oh my goodness! What happened?!"  
  
"I tried to tell you! I have naturally curly hair! If you don't use conditioner it will become an afro like it has!"  
  
They hurry to find the conditioner.  
  
"I can't believe it took 2 bottles of conditioner and 3 bottles of gel to get your hair back to normal!" Qui-Gon said.  
  
"Yes well now you know what I go through every morning!"  
  
Suddenly the hear something.  
  
"What was that?" Qui-Gon asks.  
  
"WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED TO MY STORE?!" The owner screamed. He ran and found all 3 of the jedi.  
  
"I'm calling the cops!" he said.  
  
"That's fine as long as I can have some more cookies." Obi-Wan told him.  
  
In a few moments the cops came and arrested all 3 of them. "You boys are looking at about 20 years, I'd say" The cop told them.  
  
"20 years of what?"Qui-Gon asked  
  
"Prision idiot!" Yoda said.  
  
Yoda,Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan sit in their jail cells. When they suddenly hear an officer.  
  
"They came in just this morning ma'am."  
  
"Yoda that you it is?" They heard another voice just outside their cell.  
  
"Yes honey it is."  
  
"Bad! Bad Yoda!" She starts hitting the cell bars."You get out in 5 years this man say.He be nice to you. You be nice to him yes? Also. I diviorce you. I marry man named Mace Windu. He Hottie!" She says as she leaves.  
  
"Oh no!" Yoda cries. "Might as well Jar-Jar marry now. He propose to me already"  
  
5 years later, now free from jail the step into the streets for the first time.  
  
"No! Not the light! Anything but the light!"Obi-Wan exclaims."I want some cookies.I'm going to Kroger to get some."  
  
"Not again!" Qui-Gon grumbles, as they head for their local Kroger. 


End file.
